Too Tired

I’ve been too tired lately. There’s been a med change. I was on Olanzapine for the past few years and after my last break my doctor switched me to Haldol. I like the new med more, overall, despite the fatigue. I’ve already lost eight pounds in two months.

The problem with antipsychotics, though, is that they are heavy sedatives. With my bipolar and meds I feel can feel both wired and tired at the same time, which I call fatigue. Like after hiking a long trail… you can feel invigorated and spent at the same time, but in a good way. The med drag is the opposite of that. I feel energized, but too tired to do anything about it. I can’t seem to get anything done. There’s this concept of anhedonia in sz circles, where you can’t feel pleasure from anything, so you don’t do anything. I don’t think I am there. I’m just dragging.

I’ve also got some anxiety going on. I’m overwhelmed with an upcoming move to a new home. Both Mom and I are moving in together again, but I have to pack both places. My apartment shouldn’t be too hard to pack, but Mom has every kitchen gadget known to man and she won’t separate from anything. On the other hand, I’ve already given away five pair of shoes, a big black lawn-and-leaf bag of clothing, and five handbags. I shouldn’t have moved with them to begin with, but I feel better about donating than now. There’s no regret there. I don’t need much anymore. I am tired of having “things” and I want to spend my money on more meaningful expenses, like a small business design or travel.

On an up note, Mom and I will be living in a larger place and my office will have daylight again. I think I do much better with a well-lit office or daytime space. My current apartment living room faces East, so I only get a little bit of morning sun. It is hard to tell the difference between night and day any other time.

 

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