I’m a little burnt out with the heavy sz and diagnosis posts, so I’m going to switch back to posts that are more heart-felt and creative.
Being published in lit mags is now my goal, with works that are experimental, even avant garde and surreal. I’ve also been participating in writing workshops in hopes that I can transform four years of writing into a chap book or novel. While a majority of this work is too long to publish here, I’ll keep posting my progress, successes and (hopefully not too many) failures.
My motivation for doing this is not only to make something of my skills but also to make something from all that was lost. Four years on I am back in the same apartment where it all began though my perspective on life, love, devotion, and family have completely transformed. Some days I feel a need to be an activist, an advocate for those who suffer with schizophrenia/psychosis, and other days I am content to be sheltered in my own world. I wonder, who am I to take on the stigma? Who am I to think my story is any different than the millions who have gone before me or that my words will have an affect on anyone?
Identity is my greatest struggle at this time. I am using a pen name because there are two published writers with my birth name and also because I am keeping this part of my life separate from my long-time friends. Stigma is not the primary reason, but it plays on my mind nonetheless. There are many courageous and intelligent people who are open about their diagnoses and experiences and I hope to join their ranks soon.
Needless to say, maybe someday these tales will all be told. For now, however, I’ll keep plugging along with bits and pieces of this and that and hope it comes together in some beautiful way down the road.