I am starting what may be a long-term effort of describing not only what I experienced in psychosis, but also what I experience today. This is not an easy process for it is hard enough to find a new style of writing, but it is also hard to find new words for what I perceive are misleading descriptions. With new words come definitions and with definitions come abstractions which, in turn, lend definitions their universality.
For those who experience hallucinations frequently, as with those who have schizophrenia, most are afflicted in their youth, before they fully develop not only philosophical concepts, but also abstract/analytical thought and a rich foundation in language. Add to that, what is experienced in childhood is often lost, so they don’t have a lot of history with which to compare their new awareness. Furthermore, few recover well enough to overcome the “thought disorder” aspect of the illness. It is extremely difficult to be consistent and coherent with a train of thought over long-periods of time.
I feel I have a unique vantage point, having studied ontology, epistemology, and phenomenology long before this happened. Though I have forgotten much over time and through the blow of psychosis itself, I find my abilities to think analytically are returning and I am enjoying revisiting old texts from college. It feels good to rekindle an old passion and to feel as though I have an opportunity to contribute something meaningful.