The Loss of Emotional Fortitude

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I awoke this morning an emotional wreck. It is strange how this illness takes away any emotional fortitude one has, at least for me. These feelings and the wash of memories is simply traumatic. It is not so much the isolation that seems to be affecting me as it is my inability to frame it into some kind of tangible experience that can be easily translated into words as to what happened.

I think I like the neurological explanation best – I have an acquired brain injury as a result of a side effect from a medication I was taking. I have long-term and most likely permanent damage. Though I have regained much of my abilities (thankfully), such things as my memory and my ability to handle stress have been impacted. This wouldn’t be so bad were I not finding myself in new situations that require the adaptability I formerly had.

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2 thoughts on “The Loss of Emotional Fortitude

  1. My emotional swings are horrific. I will be fine one moment and then have a “flash” that literally sends me on an emotional rampage. I cannot control my emotions any longer and the stress is literally killing me on a daily basis.

    I have the “rushing thoughts” like I use to get every once in a while at night and prior to sleeping that would keep me up. Personally, I believe it is “stress” that destroyed me and precipitated my schizoaffective. As you might know, research has shown that stress reduces the density in the hippocampus while increasing density in other areas of the brain. I personally believe I have a problem with my feedback mechanism.

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    • I think for me, the feelings of stress and fatigue that came with this illness wears me down and I hit a wall and that’s it. I just can’t operate at the same level until I get some serious rest and down time. I never used to be like this. I hit bottom with my energy levels frequently.

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