Trying to write a resume while psychotic isn’t easy. Everything takes on new meaning. Interviewing while psychotic is even worse, especially when you know you’re not firing on all four to begin with. At one point I wanted to send out this resume for private investigator positions and dress as a pirate for the interview.

Statement of Intent

Want to enliven local citizens and advance political or social reform while developing my personal skills and abilities in auto upholstery for our family business.

Enlivened by opportunities to grow and manifest family vision.

Education
University of North TX, Bachelor of Art

Additional Affections
Funny cars, muse harmony, leisure activities, developing personal skills , professional cats and dogs, partnership and collaboration, laughter, and creative solutions.

Prior History
Level 3 Communications (12 2007 to 5 2008)
– All encompassing and proprietary development of dog toys

International Business Corporation (4 2005 to 12 2007)
– Surfed the net.
– Tested professional, non-toxic, ultra proprietary media
– All encompassing proprietary development of net

Level 3 Communications (8 2004 to 1 2005)
– Tested non-toxic dog beds.

Summary of Prior Job History

Trizetto, beautification of otherwise stark deliverables
Bombardier Aerospace, creative and ingenuous development of dog toys .
Engine X Comm, masterful rearrangement of words
Nortel Networks, good time
DSC Communications, explorational launch
Herrin House Benevolences, crisis support and intervention for cats