03052010

I am having a good day. I am feeling hopeful and well, albeit tired.

I am really concerned with my self image now that my symptoms have subsided (for the most part). I realize in a more acute sense how oddly I was behaving, such as talking to myself, laughing to myself, and being generally eccentric. My medication has made me gain an inordinate amount of weight. I could no longer keep up with my hair.

I am also aware of how my performance has been effected at work which I am not so concerned about were not I trying to rebuild references and such. This may be a reason to self disclose, at least to one person, the nature of my problem. Problem is, I don’t really like this person and I am finding, I don’t really like any of the people with whom I work, except the one person no one else seems to like. I like him perhaps because he himself self-disclosed something to me. I don’t know. People are just plain weird and hurtful to others. My intuition tells me to keep it to my boss and no one else for now. I need to follow that.

I miss having real friends who give a shit. I think I hate feeling sorry for myself even more. I am bored and needing inspiration for something to write that isn’t school related.

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